Lean on Me

Author’s Note:  Trixie Belden® is the registered trademark of Random House. This story is not for profit. 

This story features the lyrics to "Lean on Me" by Bill Withers, but I remember Club Nouveau singing it in the eighties and it became an anthem for me and my friends.

I'd like to dedicate this story to all of my friends and the new Trixie friends I have made over the last six months.

"Hallie," Helen Belden called up the stairs.  "Di' s on the phone for you."

Hallie swung her legs to the floor and sat up, her heavy head spinning.

"I'll be right down Auntie," she called back.

She grimaced as she thought of last night and the horror the darkness brought with it.

I must have woken the whole house, she thought miserably.  How can I go down there and face them?

Hallie couldn't move, her body filled with dread, scared of the look she knew would be in their eyes.  That look of pity, sympathy and awkwardness.

"Hallie!  Are you okay?" Helen called.

"I'm coming," Hallie answered reluctantly.

She pulled her dressing gown around her and slowly walked down the stairs.  She walked straight to the phone, not looking at the faces in the kitchen.

"Hi Di."

"Did I wake you?"

"No, I'm just a bit slow getting moving today."

"I know how that feels," Di told her.  "I can't seem to shake this bug I've got, but I'm feeling better now.  I'm going into White Plains to do some shopping this morning, do you want to come?"

"Are Trixie and Honey going?"

"No, Honey's busy and Trixie wouldn't go shopping unless her life depended on it," Di giggled.  "So it's just you and me if that's okay with you."

"That's fine," Hallie sighed in relief.

"Great!" Di cried.  "I'll pick you up in half an hour?"

"Sure," Hallie replied.  "Just enough time to have some breakfast and a shower."

Hallie hung up the phone and walked into the kitchen.

"What would you like for breakfast?" Helen asked cheerfully.

"I'm a bit late, aren't I?" Hallie asked.  "I'll make some toast and coffee."

"Well, everything's where you remember it," Helen told her, knowing she wouldn't want to be fussed over.  "Let me know if you can't find anything."

Hallie nodded and busied herself in the kitchen.

"So did Di talk you into going shopping?" Trixie asked as she took her dishes to the sink.  "Make sure you wear comfortable shoes."

"Why's that?" Hallie asked.

"Because you'll be gone for hours," Trixie giggled.  "Di's a shop-o-holic, I hope you're up to it."

"I'll be fine," Hallie told her, a smile reaching her face for the first time that morning.  "It will be great to spend some time with her again."

"Yeah, you too really hit it off when we were in Idaho, didn't you?" Trixie remarked.  "We'll probably head down to the lake after lunch, so why not come over if you make it back in time?"

"That sounds good," Hallie answered.  "Are you going to organise the ride for tonight?"

"Yep, I'll go over and tee it up with Regan on the way to the lake," Trixie told her.  "Should be a nice night for it."

Hallie nodded and took her toast and coffee over to the table.

"Where is everyone this morning?" Hallie asked and Helen and Trixie laughed.

"It is ten o'clock," Trixie reminded her.  "Mart took Bobby over to play with Di's little brothers and Brian's off somewhere with Honey, or did he even come home last night?"

Hallie and Trixie looked over at Helen, who raised her eyebrows and shrugged.

"Moms!" Trixie exclaimed in surprise.

"Trixie, he's twenty years old, he doesn't need to tell me his every movement any more," Helen told her.

Trixie raised her eyebrows and looked at Hallie.

"My Mom gave up worrying about Cap and Knut years ago," Hallie said without thinking.  "She said...  oh..."

Hallie's face fell as she remembered.

"We never stop worrying," Helen said quickly.  "But eventually we have to let go a little."

Hallie nodded dumbly and lowered her head.

"I hope that applies to me someday," Trixie sighed.

"Your turn will come," Helen replied with a wry smile.

"Would it be okay if I phoned home this morning?" Hallie asked quietly.

"Sure it is," Helen told her warmly.  "You can use the phone upstairs in the study."

"Thanks," Hallie mumbled and got up quickly.

"Leave your dishes in the sink," Trixie told her.  "It's my turn this morning."

Hallie nodded in appreciation and disappeared upstairs, her coffee cup in hand.

Hallie stared at the phone.  Finally, she picked it up and dialled quickly before she could change her mind.

"Good morning, Belden residence."

"Ollie, it's Hallie."

"Oh, Hallie sweetie, how are you?  I miss you."

"I miss you too Ollie," Hallie sighed to the family maid.  "Is Dad home?"

"No," Ollie replied hesitantly.  "He's had to go away on business."

"Now?" Hallie asked in dismay.  "When did he leave?"

"Yesterday sweetie, not long after you left."

Hallie fought to swallow the giant lump in her throat.

"Are Cap and Knut around?"

"Cap hasn't come back since... since the funeral," Ollie admitted.

"He'll be okay," Hallie told her, knowing just where and why her brother had gone.

"I know sweetie, I just worry about him," Ollie sighed.  "Knut's gone into town.  I'll get him to call you when he comes back."

"No, it's okay Ollie," Hallie assured her.  "I'll call him another time."

"Are they looking after you out there?"

"They certainly are," Hallie replied.  "I'd better go Ollie.  Give everyone my love."

"I will sweetie, take care of yourself."

"Bye Ollie."

Hallie put the phone back on the cradle.  Her eyes prickled at the threat of tears and she got up quickly.

"Is everything okay Hallie?" Helen asked as she walked by.

Hallie nodded and hurried towards the bathroom.  Moments later, the hot water was washing the flood of tears away and drowning out her sobs.

"Hey Trix," Dan called as he entered the Belden's kitchen.

"Hi Dan," Trixie replied in surprise.  "I was just about to head over to the stables to see Regan about the moonlight ride and go on to the lake."

"Is Hallie around?" Dan asked, trying to appear casual.

"No," Trixie answered, trying to hide her smile.  "She went shopping with Di."

"Oh," Dan murmured, deflated.  "How was she this morning?"

"A little quiet," Trixie told him.  "She had a rough night last night."

Dan's expression changed instantly to one of concern.

"What happened?"

"Nightmares," Trixie explained.  "She woke up screaming and Moms sat with her for ages until she went back to sleep."

Dan frowned in concern.

"I wish I could help her," Dan murmured, his eyes clouded.

"You have been helping her," Trixie told him.  "You make her smile, you make her laugh.  She needs that Dan."

"Has she heard from her family?"

"She called them this morning," Trixie replied.  "I'm not sure how that went, she left soon afterwards."

"I'm glad Di's with her," Dan sighed, and looked out the window deep in thought.  "Are you ready to go?"

"Just let me grab my bag," Trixie told him and disappeared briefly.

"Moms!  I'm off to the lake, I'll see you later."

"Okay," Helen called back.  "Have fun!"

Dan left the heart of the Belden household reluctantly, it was the only place that ever felt like home.

"Can we please go and sit down and have a coffee?" Hallie pleaded.

Di paused in front of the doorway of yet another boutique and screwed up her pretty nose.

"Just one more," she promised.

"Di, you said that five stores ago," Hallie grumbled.  "Coffee NOW!"

"Okay," Di surrendered good-naturedly and they headed for the nearest cafe.

"Oh, that's better," Hallie sighed as she sunk onto a couch.  "Trixie told me you were a shop-o-holic, but I had no idea."

"I am not!" Di protested with a giggle.  "I just like shopping."

"You're going to be the best dressed senior in the school," Hallie told her.  "How are you going to fight off all those guys?"

"What guys?" Di asked innocently.  "They all know I'm taken."

"You are quite taken with Mart, aren't you?" Hallie asked with a smile.  "You're so good together."

"I love him," Di confessed without a hint of self-consciousness.  "He's so incredible."

"So how's everything going to work without him?" Hallie asked.

"It's only a year," Di told her with a sigh.  "I'm going to have to study hard so I can get into the same college as Mart, and we're going to try and manage it so we see each other at least once a month."

"Sounds like you've got it all planned out," Hallie smiled, a little wistfully.

"We both really want this to work," Di replied firmly.  "I want to spend the rest of my life with him."

"Wow!" Hallie breathed, slightly in awe.  "How do you know that?"

"You just do," Di said simply.  "You've never felt that way about someone?"

"Noooo," Hallie replied slowly.  "There's been guys I liked, but nothing serious."

"Mart and I have known each other since kindergarten," Di explained.  "We were always good friends and something special just grew out of that.  Maybe that will happen for you one day."

"Maybe," Hallie replied, thinking of Dan.

"You and Dan seem to have picked up from where you left things," Di commented with a smile.  Di occasionally had the uncanny ability to almost read your mind.

"And where was that?" Hallie demanded, colour creeping into her cheeks.

"You two had an instant connection when you first met," Di told her.  "And you quickly became friends.  It's a shame he didn't make it to Idaho with the rest of us."

Hallie nodded, remembering her disappointment.

"I like him," she admitted hesitantly.  "But he's three years older than me."

"That's the same age difference as Honey and Brian," Di reminded her.  "It hasn't been a problem for them."

"I guess so..." Hallie murmured and looked down at her hands.

"Hey, there's no hurry," Di assured her quickly.  "You're here to unwind and enjoy yourself and we want to help you do that."

Hallie smiled gratefully.

"How are you finding it here?" Di asked carefully.

"It's good," Hallie nodded.  "It's not home, but it's good."

Di nodded gently.

"If you ever need anyone to talk to..." she began.

"You're here now," Hallie told her.  "That's what I need."

"Then let's get a coffee into you and get back into that mall," Di cried and Hallie groaned.

"You'd better make that two."

"Oh, this is the life," Trixie sighed as she floated on the raft next to Jim, basking in the warm afternoon sun.

"I could stay here forever," Jim agreed.

Trixie closed her eyes.  If only that were possible.

"You'd really want to stay in Sleepyside all your life?" Trixie asked.  "I can't wait to get to college and live somewhere different."

Jim tensed his jaw.  He had only thought about finishing college and returning to Sleepyside to set up his school and be with Trixie.  He'd never thought about the fact that she would be away at college and it would be years before she returned to Sleepyside, if she ever did.

"Once you leave for college every thing will change," Jim murmured.

"Everything changed when you and Brian left," Trixie pointed out.

"But I've always been able to come home and find everything the same," Jim replied, a lump forming in his throat.  "When you go, I'll have nothing to come home to."

Trixie turned to look at him.

"Is everything really the same?" She asked quietly.

"What do you mean?" Jim asked with a frown.

Trixie shook her head and slipped off the raft.

"Time to cool off," she told him and swam slowly away from the raft.

Jim closed his eyes and let his head drop back on the raft with a thud.

Why couldn't he tell her how he felt?  In high school, he had convinced himself she was too young despite the fact that Honey and Brian were dating.  Now, that she was older, he couldn't bear the thought of a long distance relationship especially during her senior year.

Was she telling him it was too late, that things between them really had changed?

Jim felt ill.

"So how did things go with you and Hallie last night?" Mart asked Dan as they sat on the dock by the lake.

"We all had a nice time," Dan replied casually.

"You must be glad she's here," Mart prodded him.

"Not for the reason she's here," Dan reminded him and Mart fell silent.

"I know what you're asking," Dan said finally.  "But there's no way anything can happen between us.  She's going through so much and she'll have to go home one day."

"And a long distance relationship will hurt her more than it will help her," Mart finished.  "I'm sorry Dan."

"Yeah, me too," Dan sighed.  "She's a great girl.  I hope I can help her through this."

Mart felt a little uncomfortable.  Dan never talked about his past or the parents he lost as a child and Mart knew he understood Hallie's situation in a way he never could.

"It's going to be weird not having you around," Mart told him with a small smile.

"I don't know why you didn't come to NYU with me," Dan answered.  "At least you'd see Di a lot more."

"Yeah, and what about my Agricultural course?" Mart asked.  "I want to do the best one."

"Even if it's half way across the country from your best friend and girl friend?" Dan teased.

"Yeah, well, I admit it's not perfect," Mart agreed with a frown.

"But they are," Dan grinned as he saw Hallie and Di approach.

"Let me into that water," Hallie cried.  "If I don't come up for air, you'd better save me.  I'm exhausted!"

"We shopped 'til we dropped," Di explained with a giggle and leaned down to kiss Mart.

Hallie gave Dan a quick grin as she ducked into the boat house to change.  She was back in a moment.

"Are you coming in?" She invited.

Dan nodded with a smile and dove in after her.

"I missed you," Mart told Di and pulled her close to him.

"Mmmm... I missed you too," Di murmured and they kissed.

"Are you feeling okay now?" Mart asked in concern.

"Much better," Di replied.  "And I'll feel even better once I cool off.  Are you coming?"

"Try and stop me."

"Sorry Moms," Brian smiled sheepishly.  "I've been kind of busy."

"You can bring Honey here you know," Helen reminded him and Brian flushed.  It was often hard to get some privacy at Crabapple Farm.

Helen smiled knowingly as Brian nodded and disappeared quickly up the stairs.

"Did you have a good time?" The question was asked of all, but Helen looked over at Hallie.

"Yeah, it was great," Hallie replied.  "And I didn't buy a single thing!"

Trixie and Mart laughed and they headed up the stairs with Hallie.

"Oh, Hallie," Helen called after her.  "Knut phoned for you a little while ago.  He wants you to call him back, you can phone from the study."

"Thanks Aunty," Hallie called back, and she came reeling back to earth as she remembered why she was here.

Hallie gave Trixie a small smile as she slipped into the study and closed the door.  She went straight to the phone and dialled before she could have any second thoughts.

"Knut Belden."

"It's Hallie."

"Hey, Hals!  How you doing?" Knut asked warmly.

"I'm okay," Hallie replied evenly.  "How are you?"

"Fine, keeping busy," Knut replied and then an awkward silence crept in.

"Have you heard from Cap?" Hallie asked finally.

"No," Knut admitted.  "But we both know where he is."

Hallie nodded, not remembering Knut couldn't see her.  Their old friend Tank had left everything to the three of them when he had died last year, but it was Cap who spent the most time there. 

"Will you go out and check on him if he's not back soon?" Hallie asked.

"He can take care of himself," Knut told her, then sighed.  "Yeah, I will."

"Have you heard from Dad?" Hallie asked hesitantly, not trusting her voice.

"Not since he left for Canada yesterday," Knut admitted.  "Has he called you?"

"No," Hallie almost whispered.  "I didn't know until Ollie told me this morning.  How could he just leave?  First he sends me off then he leaves you and Cap and takes off on business!"

"We all have different ways of dealing with things Hallie," Knut told her gently and changed the subject.  "How are things going out there?"

"Fine," Hallie sighed.  "You know how wonderful Auntie Helen ad Uncle Peter are, and the others have all asked after you and Cap."

"Say hi to them for me," Knut told her.  "It will be good for you to be with them, you'd just be lonely here."

Hallie thought of their large house, filled with the presence of their dead mother and tears filled her eyes.

"I miss her Knut," Hallie choked.

"So do I," Knut sighed and then they were silent again.

"I'd guess I'd better go and get ready for dinner," Hallie told him, reluctant to end their call and lose her tenuous connection to home.

"Take care of yourself Hals," Knut replied warmly.  "I miss you."

"You and Cap could always come out here for a visit," Hallie told him eagerly.

"Maybe," Knut sighed and Hallie knew he was saying no.  "I've got so much to do before I go back to college.  I'll speak to you again soon, okay?"

"Let me know when you hear from Cap," Hallie asked urgently.

"I will," Knut promised.  "Seeya kid."

"Bye Knut," Hallie answered in a small voice and hung up the phone.

Her head was a whirl of emotions as she slipped out of the study and disappeared into her bedroom before anyone could ask how she was.  She needed some time alone.

Hallie was uncharacteristically quiet as the four Beldens walked towards the stables after dinner.  Mart carried a picnic basket under his arm and attempted to joke with the others, but it was as if her mood had affected them all.

"Isn't it a beautiful full moon?" Honey called to them as they approached the stables.

"It's wonderful," Trixie agree.  "It reminds me of that night the three of us went for a moonlight ride on the night Ten Acres burned to the ground."

"You saved my life that night," Jim told her with an expression that Trixie did not recognise. 

"And you've saved mine countless times since," Trixie told him with a smile.

"Oh, let's not even think about that," Honey shuddered and smiled as Brian hugged her to him.  "Let's just have a lovely, peaceful evening."

"I'll second that," Regan said as he brought Strawberry and Starlight out for Mart and Brian.  "No galloping these horses, just some light exercise."

"Where are the saddles?" Trixie demanded.

"No saddles," Regan told her with a grin.  "Seeing Hallie's here, I thought you could all ride bare back just like last time.  Besides, it will make you less inclined to go galloping through the woods."

Hallie grinned at Regan, the smile lighting up her face for the first time this evening.  Trixie was pleased to see it.

"Thanks Regan," Hallie smiled.

"Think nothing of it," he replied.  "Now I understand you're riding with Dan?"

"I think so," Hallie mumbled, feeling the heat creep into her cheeks.

"Good," Regan answered.  "You won't be going anywhere too fast on old Spartan."

"Hey, he heard that," Dan called as he and Di approached.  "He may be advanced in years, but he's not deaf yet."

"Can he still dance?" Hallie asked, smiling her hello.

"Only if the right lady asks him," Dan grinned and slipped out off Spartan to stand beside her.

Regan lead Suzie out to Trixie.

"Be back by eleven," Regan told them.  "And make sure you give them a brush down."

"We'll take care of them," Jim promised as he pulled himself up on to Jupiter.

Brian helped Honey mount Lady as the lack of stirrups made things more difficult and Jim watched somewhat jealously as Regan helped Trixie.  He wondered if she would have accepted his help if he had offered.

Dan climbed back onto Spartan, who was saddled, and offered his hand to Hallie and pulled her up behind him.  Her warm body, sat snugly behind his and her hands rested gently on his waist.  Dan smiled somewhat nervously as he looked to see if the others were ready.

"Let's go," Brian said and they waved goodbye to Regan and headed towards the woods.

The path was wide enough for Brian and Honey to ride side by side and they talked quietly as they lead the way into the woods.  Di and Mart followed behind them, then came Trixie and Jim with Dan and Hallie taking up the rear on Spartan.

"It's almost like daylight, but so much more beautiful," Honey breathed as they made their way though the woods.

"We really should go camping out here while the moon is still full," Brian added.  "It's been so long since we've been camping."

"Not since Idaho," Honey reminded him.  "Though no doubt the sleeping arrangements might be a bit different this time."

Brian glanced over at Honey in surprise.  The thought of sharing a tent with her, while surrounded by all their friends, unnerved him.

"Would that be such a good idea?"

"Maybe not," Honey admitted, sensing his concern.  "But I'd like to spend the night staring up at the stars with you."

Brian caught his breath and glanced quickly at her.  She was now seventeen, he was not yet twenty.  They had not yet taken that final step, but they had come close.  It seemed such a natural progression in their relationship, but why did it unnerve him so?

"When do your parents leave?" Mart asked Di, reaching out to stroke her arm.

"Tomorrow," Di told him.  "They wanted me to come with them and the twins, but I managed to convince them that I'd be okay here.  Uncle Monty won't miss me, and they're only going to be gone a week."

"I'd miss you," Mart murmured and their eyes met.  "I can't wait to spend some time alone with you."

"We'll have the whole house to ourselves," Di promised him.  "Even Harrison has the week off."

"I can't wait," Mart's eyes caressed her body and Di giggled.

"You're a naughty boy Mart Belden!"

"Who'd have thought so much would happen since the night the three of us took this ride Trix," Jim commented as they rode side by side.  "I never thought beyond my wildest dreams that my life would end up like this."

"Do you remember how Honey and I fought to have you for a brother?" Trixie replied with a smile.  "How different our lives would have been if we'd never met you or never found you again for that matter."

"I hate to think what my life would have been like if I hadn't met you," Jim told her and Trixie nodded in agreement.  "You're my best friend Trix."

"I am?" Trixie asked in amazement.

"I guess I'm not doing a very good job if you didn't know that," Jim smiled ruefully.  "That's why I was trying to tell you today.  I'll miss you even more when you start college, because you may not always be here when I come home."

Trixie blinked as she tried to take in what Jim was telling her.  She was thrilled to hear that he considered her his best friend, but at the same time she was disappointed that he only felt friendship for her.

"I'm sure we'll be back over the same breaks," Trixie told him.  "And we'll probably see each other if Honey and I make trips to visit Brian and vice versa.  I'm sure our friendship will survive."

"You're very special to me Trix," Jim murmured, glancing quickly at her. 

Trixie smiled uncertainly, not sure of the implications of what Jim was saying.  Was this his way of telling her that she was more than just a friend to him?

"I feel the same way about you," she replied slowly.

Jim's jaw tightened slightly. Did she understand what he was telling her?  Was she saying she cared about him too?  He couldn't think of another way to explain how he felt.

Trixie's heart was beating fast as Jim smiled at her and she smiled in return.  She felt happy, but more confused than every before.

"How you doin' back there?" Dan asked Hallie.

"I'm fine," Hallie told him, trying not to admit to herself that she loved the sensation of being so close to him.

"You've been pretty quiet," Dan remarked.

"Just thinking," Hallie replied.

Dan didn't push her, so he thought he'd lighten the mood instead.

"Hey, I think I just heard Jim ask Trixie to marry him."

"What!?" Hallie screamed and everyone turned stopped and turned around to look at them.

"Are you okay Hallie?" Trixie asked quickly.

Dan turned and grinned at Hallie, who poked her tongue out at him.

"Dan was just telling me he bats for the other team."

"What?!" The Bobwhites, Dan included, cried in response.

"Gotcha back!" Hallie cried triumphantly and swiped playfully at Dan.

The others smiled in bewilderment and continued.

"I'll get you for that," Dan told Hallie over his shoulder.

"Hey, you started it," Hallie laughed and Dan smiled with relief.

"I love hearing you laugh," he told her.

"You make me want to," she sighed happily. 

Silently, Dan took her hand in his and squeezed it gently.  She squeezed back and neither of them made any attempt to release their grasp as they continued their ride under the full moon.

"This is wonderful," Honey sighed as the group rested on blankets under the moonlight with the stream trickling nearby.  Honey's head rested on Brian's lap and he stroked her hair gently.

"Why can't we stay like this forever?" Di asked as she snuggled into Mart's arms.

"I agree," Mart replied.  "My stomach's full of delicious food, I've got a wonderful woman in my arms and I'm surrounded by my best friends.  I don't think it gets any better than this."

The group murmured in consent and Trixie looked around happily at her friends.  Moments like this were rare now and she cherished everyone of them.

"You guys are so lucky to have each other," Hallie told them.  "You've all been through so much together and you've stuck by each other even when things looked bad."

The Bobwhites smiled and exchanged glances, each one remembering a special moment from the past.

"You've been there for us too Hallie," Trixie told her.  "We may never have caught that Ms Ryks character and saved Juliana's wedding presents if it wasn't for you."

"And saved me," Dan reminded her and they exchanged a warm smile.

"Thanks so much for being here for me," Hallie told them.  "I don't know if there is anywhere else I'd rather be."

"We're really glad you're here with us," Di told her and the others nodded.

Honey sat up and looked around at her friends. 

"Sometimes in our lives," she began to sing and the others smiled in surprise.

We all have pain 
We all have sorrow 
But if we are wise 
We know that there's always tomorrow 

The others recogised the tune and joined in with Honey for the chorus.

Lean on me, when you're not strong 
And I'll be your friend 
I'll help you carry on 
For it won't be long 
'Til I'm gonna need 
Somebody to lean on 

Please swallow your pride 
If I have things you need to borrow 
For no one can fill those of your needs 
That you don't let show 

Lean on me, when you're not strong 
And I'll be your friend 
I'll help you carry on 
For it won't be long 
'Til I'm gonna need 
Somebody to lean on 

If there is a load you have to bear 
That you can't carry 
I'm right up the road 
I'll share your load 
If you just call me 

So just call on me brother, when you need a hand 
We all need somebody to lean on 
I just might have a problem that you'd understand 
We all need somebody to lean on 

Lean on me when you're not strong 
And I'll be your friend 
I'll help you carry on 
For it won't be long 
Till I'm gonna need 
Somebody to lean on 

Lean on me... 

"I hope we'll always be there for each other in their time of need," Honey told the group as the song finished.

"Let's make a pact," Jim said eagerly.  "No matter what happens, we'll always be friends, we'll always stick by each other.  Agreed?"

"Agreed!" The group cried in unison and they hugged each other happily.

It was to become a pact that each of them would remember and call upon at least once in the years to come.

The End