Release Me

Author’s Note:  Trixie Belden® is the registered trademark of Random House. This story is not for profit. 

This story deals with some concepts that may not be comfortable with all readers but are ones you can expect if faced with a teenage pregnancy.  If this is likely to offend or upset you, please do not read this story.

This story features lyrics from the song "Release Me" by Wilson Phillips.  Leigh, it's just another happy coincidence.

I know that it's time for a change
But when that change comes
Will you still feel the same?

They walked silently for a few moments, a lull falling in the conversation.

"You're very quiet," Dan observed finally.  "Is everything okay?"

"It's been a long week," Hallie sighed uncomfortably.  "I guess I'm just tired."

"Do you want to stop and rest for a while?" Dan suggested quickly.

"Sure, why not?"

Dan headed towards a fallen log and they sat down together.  Hallie did not speak, but gazed thoughtfully up at the star-laden sky and Dan shifted uncomfortably.  He had only been away five days and, although they had spoken several times, something had changed.

"Have you spoken to your brothers this week?"

"Only Knut," Hallie replied.

"Was he okay with you staying here?" Dan felt like he was pulling teeth getting her to talk.

"He didn't really say much," Hallie murmured.  "I think he was surprised."

"Well, I'm glad you're staying," Dan smiled.  "It's beautiful out here, isn't it?"

"Mmmm," Hallie responded.

Dan bit his lip and lapsed into silence, uncertain of how to continue talking to Hallie when she obviously didn't want to speak.

"Is there somewhere else you'd rather be Hallie?"

"What?  Oh, I'm sorry Dan, my mind's kind of somewhere else," she apologised.

"Maybe we should call it a night," Dan suggested.  "We can catch up tomorrow."

"Oh, I can't," Hallie said quickly as she rose to her feet.  "I promised Di I'd go into the city with her tomorrow.  She has a late appointment and we're going to stay in the city."

"When will you be back?" Dan asked with a frown and they began to walk back.

"Sunday afternoon, I guess," Hallie replied and she looked guiltily at Dan.  "Oh Dan, I'm sorry.  I know it's your first weekend back and I wanted to spend some time with you, it's just that I promised Di..."

"It's okay, I understand," Dan reassured her, except he wasn't sure he did.  He knew Di and Hallie were close and that Di needed her support at the moment, but was Hallie deliberately avoiding him?

"I don't know if I can make it back before you leave," Hallie mumbled.  "But I'll try."

"I'd like that," Dan smiled, and the ball in his chest untightened a little.

"I think we should head back," Hallie said, rising quickly.  "I've got an early start tomorrow."

Dan nodded, but his eyes showed his confusion and Hallie couldn't help but notice.  She hated that it had to be this way.

"I'm still not sure about you going into the city," Helen began to Hallie over breakfast.  "You've never been into New York before.  Maybe you should wait until one of the boys can take you in."

"Aunt Helen, please," Hallie implored, trying to remain patient.  "I'm sixteen years old, and besides I'm going with Di and she's been into the city plenty of times."

"I'd still feel better if you were going with Mart or Brian or even Dan," Helen answered worriedly.

Hallie looked around her in exasperation and lowered her voice.

"Di has a late appointment with her therapist and her mother thought it might be a good idea if we went in together and had some fun," Hallie lied convincingly.  "She really needs this Aunt Helen, she's been awfully down lately."

Helen's expression changed immediately.

"I guess you'll be okay," Helen acknowledged.  "And you're spending the night in the Wheeler's apartment?"

"Yes, we'll be safe and sound with all that security," Hallie assured her.  "We might catch a movie after Di's appointment, but we won't have a late night."

"I guess it will be okay, it's just that I've never let Trixie go into the city for the night with just Honey or Di," Helen sighed.  "You're our responsibility now, and I worry about you."

"We'll be fine," Hallie repeated.  "And we'll be back by lunch time tomorrow so I can finish my homework before school starts."

"I guess I worry a little too much, don't I?" Helen smiled reluctantly.  "It comes from having Trixie as a daughter."

"Well, I can take care of myself just as well as Trixie," Hallie smiled.  "But I assure you, this will be an uneventful trip."

"I hope you and Di have a nice time," Helen smiled.  "Do you need a lift to the station?"

"No, Di's driver will be picking me up soon."

Helen nodded and disappeared into the kitchen.  Hallie exhaled in relief and tried to ignore the gnawing in her stomach.  She hated lying and lately that was all she seemed to be doing.

"Is this it?" Hallie asked as the cab driver pulled up outside an inconspicuous looking building.

"I-I think so," Di murmured, looking down at the card in her hand.

Hallie squeezed her hand reassuringly and Di smiled bravely at her.  She took a deep breath and paid the driver and the two girls got out of the car.

The walk up the stairs to the entrance seemed steep and daunting and Hallie expected the door to weigh a tonne as she pulled it open.  But it opened easily and she and Di stepped into a warm and pleasantly decorated reception.  It was not the cold, clinical environment she expected.

"Can I help you?" The receptionist asked in a friendly tone.

"I - uh... I have an appointment for ..." Di stammered.

"What's your name dear?"

"Lynch... Di Lynch..."

"Have you brought your papers?"

Di nodded and handed over her referral from her therapist and a letter proving she had gone through the mandatory counselling.

"Thank you." The receptionist glanced quickly at the papers.  "Take this form and fill it out.  Someone will be out to see you shortly."

Di smiled nervously and she and Hallie sat down on a comfortable sofa.  There was no one else in the waiting room and Hallie was glad.  It was hard enough being here with Di, she didn't want to think about others going through this experience.

Di breathed heavily and rapidly as she filled out the form and Hallie's hand settled on her forearm, rubbing it gently and trying to reassure her.

"It's okay, you're going to be alright," Hallie whispered.

"I know," Di replied sadly.  "I just wish that..."

Di trailed off and left Hallie wondering just what she was wishing.  Maybe that she had never got pregnant, that Mart was here with her, that she could keep the baby, or even that she could just tell Mart what she was going through.

God, I hope I never have to go through this, Hallie thought to herself.

"Diana Lynch?"

Di and Hallie looked up at the friendly face of a woman smiling down at them.

"That's me," Di mumbled in a small voice.

"I'm Sally and I'm going to be looking after you today," she told her warmly.  "Now, you can give me that form and if you want to say goodbye to your friend, you can come with me."

Di looked at Hallie in alarm.

"C-can't she come with me?"

"We'll be sedating you soon," Sally explained gently.  "You won't even know that she's there."

Di looked fearfully from Hallie to Sally.

"I'll be right here waiting for you," Hallie assured her.  "You're going to be fine."

"You're in good hands here," Sally added.

"Okay," Di murmured and tried to smile at Hallie.  "I'll see you soon?"

"I'll be here," Hallie smiled at her.

Di nodded and followed Sally from the room.  Hallie did not miss the frightened glance Di gave her over her shoulder as she disappeared from the room and she closed her eyes to try and block the image from her mind.

Please let her be alright.

How many times have I tried to turn this love around?
I don't want to give up
But baby it's time I had two feet on the ground
Can you release me?

"How long has it been since we've been riding, just the two of us?" Trixie asked Honey as they wound their way through the woods on Susie and Lady.

"Practically forever," Honey cried and smiled ruefully at Trixie.  "I'm sorry it's been so long since we've spent any time along together, it's just that with Brian here..."

"You want to spend every minute with him," Trixie finished for her.  "It's okay Honey, I understand."

But do I, Trixie asked herself.  Do I really?  How could I know what it feels like to love someone and be loved in return?

"Did you enjoy your summer holidays Trix?" Honey asked.

"It was certainly an eventful summer," Trixie sighed.  "Hallie's Mom dying and Hallie coming to stay with us, and Mart and Di breaking up.  But it was good to have everyone together again as much as we're changing and growing apart."

"Growing apart?" Honey repeated in dismay.  "Do you really think so?"

"Maybe not you and Brian," Trixie smiled.  "But things will never be the same between Mart and Di again and who knows how this will affect us all."

"And you and Jim?" Honey asked carefully.

"This summer with him was more confusing than ever," Trixie admitted.  "Sometimes I was convinced that he felt something for me, but then something would happen that would convince me that we could never be more than friends."

Honey tensed her jaw and pondered how to reply.

"But I think it's affecting our friendship," Trixie sighed.  "I don't know how to act around him anymore.  He's not the same, I'm not the same."

"Trixie, if you think this is going to hurt your friendship then what do you have to lose by telling him how you feel?" Honey asked finally.

"How can I?" Trixie groaned.  "You saw how awkward things were the day the boys left?  We didn't know what to say to each other.  If Jim told me he didn't feel the same way, then we'd have four Bobwhites who couldn't bear to be in the same room as each other."

"I can't tell you you're right, but I can't tell you you're wrong either," Honey sighed.  "I thought that maybe this summer something would happen for you."

"You're not the only one," Trixie grimaced.  "I lost count of the times I almost said something to him.  Then just before he left he told me he wanted to speak to me."

"When?" Honey gasped.  "What happened?"

"The morning after Di and Mart broke up," Trixie answered.  "I was on my way up to tell you guys when Jim rang.  Remember how he sort of just disappeared?  I went up to his room and he made it pretty clear nothing could ever happen between us."

"Oh Trixie!" Honey cried.  "I'm so sorry."

"It's probably for the best," Trixie sighed.  "If it was meant to be, it would have happened.  Look at you and Brian."

"That didn't happen just by itself," Honey reminded her with a smile.  "Trix, I really wish it could have happened for you and Jim.  I want you to be happy, you deserve it."

"Thanks Honey," Trixie smiled bravely and they lapsed into silence as they continued to ride.

A frown troubled Honey's pleasant face as she thought over what Trixie had just told her.  She remembered the morning they learned that Di and Mart had broken up, Jim had been so happy. 

Surely, he wouldn't have been happy about telling Trixie nothing could happen between them? 

Maybe he had been going to tell Trixie that he was in love with her.

The thought startled Honey and she knew she had to find out the truth.

Come on baby, come on baby
You knew it was time to just let go
'Cause we want to be free
But somehow it's just not that easy
Come on Darlin', hear me Darlin'
'Cause you're a waste of time for me
I'm trying to make you see
That baby you've just got to release me

Hallie shifted restlessly in the couch.  Di had been gone an hour now and Hallie had exhausted the magazine supply in the reception.  She looked around the office, hoping to find something to relieve the boredom.

She stood up and stretched and approached the receptionist.

"Is there anywhere around here I can get a coffee and make a phone call?" Hallie asked.

"There's a diner just around the corner, or you could go a couple of blocks away," the receptionist replied.

"Around the corner will be fine," Hallie replied.  "Do I go left or right?"

Hallie stepped outside and made her way towards the diner, conscious of her aunt's concern about the city.  She wanted an uneventful trip as much as her aunt did and did not want to have to explain what she and Di were really doing in the city, if something did happen.

She tried not to think what Di was going through at the moment and concentrated on her surroundings as she walked towards the diner.

The receptionist's directions were good and Hallie located the diner quickly and was relieved to see it semi-filled and brightly lit.  She ordered a coffee and sat down in a booth.

Hallie wanted to call Dan, but was not sure why.  She couldn't tell him anything, but somehow just the thought of hearing his voice brought her relief.

I bet that's what Di's missing most, Hallie thought.  Just the sound of Mart's voice.

Di and Mart had not spoken since the day he left, and Di had recently confided in Hallie that she couldn't write to him until this was over and she didn't have to lie to him anymore.

Hallie closed her eyes and took a sip of the strong coffee.  It settled uneasily in her stomach and she pushed it away.  Conscious of the time, she rose and approached the phone, still uncertain of what she wanted to say to Dan.

She listened to the phone ring and wasn't sure to be relieved or disappointed when the phone continued to ring unanswered.  Hallie was about to hand up when a breathless voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Dan?" Hallie asked uncertainly.

"Hallie?  Sorry I was outside, I almost didn't hear the phone ring," he replied breathlessly.  "Is everything okay?"

Hallie smiled slowly.  How did he know?

"Di's in her appointment and I just wanted to hear your voice," Hallie admitted.

"Are you feeling down?" Dan asked quietly.

"Just lonely, I guess," Hallie sighed.  "I don't know how you can live in the city."

"Why do you think I came home?" Dan responded.

"I wish I was there too," Hallie murmured.

"You and Di not having fun?"

"I don't think either of us are in the mood," Hallie replied wryly. 

"Maybe she'll feel better after her session," Dan remarked.

"I hope so," Hallie mumbled.  But I doubt it.

"Maybe one weekend I can stay in the city and you can meet me," Dan suggested.  "I know it can be a bit strange and daunting, but with a good guide it's lots of fun."

"I'd like that," Hallie murmured.   "I don't think we'll be seeing too much this weekend." 

Why? Dan wanted to ask.  What exactly were Di and Hallie doing in the city?

Hallie sighed and looked down at her watch.  "Oh, I'd better go Dan.  I have to meet Di."

"Okay, take care," Dan answered.  "I'm really glad you called Hallie."

"Thanks Dan," Hallie answered.  "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye Hallie."

Dan hung up the phone, more confused than ever.  What exactly was going on with Hallie?

"Before I go, can I speak to Jim?" Honey asked.  "Is he there?"

"Yeah, but I banish him into the other room when we talk," Brian laughed.  "He doesn't want to hear what I have to say to you."

"I'm glad about that," Honey giggled.  "I'll talk to you soon?"

"Very soon Honey girl," Brian assured her.  "I love you."

"I love you too Brian," Honey murmured and smiled at the thrill that still went through her when he said those words.

"Hey, sis - have you finished whispering sweet nothings into my room mates ear?" Jim teased her.

"Yes, I have," Honey blushed.  "I just wanted to ask you something."

"Shoot!"

"What did you say to Trixie before you left?" Honey blurted.  "I don't usually interfere between you two, but she seems quite upset."

"Upset?" Jim repeated in alarm and his thoughts wandered back to that moment in his room and his heart sank.  "I guess I know why."

"You don't have to tell me," Honey added.  "I just thought you'd want to know that Trixie thinks your friendship is quite fragile at the moment, and that is one thing I don't want to see you two lose."

"Thanks Honey," Jim mumbled.  "I appreciate you letting me know."

"You'll put it right, won't you Jim?" Honey asked.  "Your friendship is very important to her."

"It's important to me," Jim assured her.  "I'll call her, I promise."

"Take care Jim," Honey replied.  "I'll speak to you soon."

"Goodnight Honey."

Jim put down the phone with a sinking sensation.  Had he really made her believe that he didn't want her friendship anymore?

What have I done?

The cab pulled up outside of the apartment and Hallie helped a sleepy Di out of the car after paying the driver.

"You're sure you're okay?" Hallie asked again.

"I'm fine," Di mumbled.  "I just feel really tired."

"Let's get you upstairs and into bed," Hallie said quickly and smiled at the doorman who let them into the foyer.

"Is everything alright Miss?" The doorman asked.

"We're fine," Hallie assured him and guided Di into the lift.

The doors shut behind them and Di rested her head on Hallie's shoulder.

"Thankyou," she murmured.

Hallie grasped her hand and squeezed it tightly.  She sighed with relief when the doors opened at their floor and she ushered Di towards the Wheeler's apartment.

"Here we are," Hallie announced in relief and closed the door behind them.  "Let's get you into bed."

Her arm stayed around Di as they entered the bedroom.

"Do you want to have a shower or bath?" Hallie asked uncertainly.

"No, I just want to lie down," Di murmured.

"Okay," Hallie responded, feeling at a loss.  "Can I get you anything?"

"I don't think so," Di replied and began to undress.

Hallie turned away awkwardly but did not leave.

"Don't go," Di blurted and Hallie turned around in surprise. 

"Will you stay with me?" Di asked timidly.  "At least until I fall asleep?"

"Sure," Hallie replied and helped Di climb into bed.

She stood awkwardly watching her for a moment, and then lay down on the bed next to Di.  Hallie gently stroked Di's arm, uncertain of how to comfort her.

"Hallie?  Will you hold me... please?" Di whispered.

Hallie's arms slowly wrapped around Di and Di allowed herself to be cocooned by Hallie.  She began to sob quietly and Hallie tightened her grasp.

"I wish... I wish Mart were here..." Di sobbed.

"I know you do," Hallie murmured.  "But you made the decision not to tell him."

"I couldn't!" Di sobbed harder.

"I know, I know," Hallie comforted her.  "You did the right thing.  Everything's going to be okay."

"I'm so glad you're here," Di cried through ragged breaths.  "I couldn't have done this without you."

"I'm here for you Di," Hallie replied gently.

Di's sobbing subsided gradually and Hallie stroked Di's hair until her breathing deepened and she finally fell asleep.

Hallie herself, exhausted by the events of the day, soon fell asleep, her arms still wrapped around Di.

Now that you're gone I can't help myself from wondering
Oh, if you'd have come down from your high
Would we've been all right?
Release me
Can you release me?

"Trix?  It's Jim."

"Jim!  How are you?  I didn't expect you to call."

"I know it's late, but I was thinking about you."

"You were?"  Trixie's heartbeat quickened.

"I feel really bad at the way I left things between us when I left," Jim admitted hesitantly.

"What do you mean?"

"Those things I said up in my bedroom, I didn't mean them," Jim blurted.  "I was just upset about Mart and Di."

"It doesn't matter Jim," Trixie began quickly.

"Yes, it does and it's been bothering me since we left," Jim replied firmly.  "I mean what I said when I told you that you were my best friend, Trix.  I don't want to jeopardise that."

"I'm glad," Trixie replied awkwardly, uncertain of how to reply.  "I think, especially now, it's important for us to all stick together."

"I feel the same way," Jim agreed and Trixie could hear the relief in his voice.  "You know how much I miss... home... and I didn't want to leave bad feelings behind."

"We miss you too," Trixie cried.  "And I could never think bad of you, you know that."

"Thanks Trix, I feel the same way," Jim replied.  "So how was your first week as a senior?"

"I can't believe we missed the earlier train," Hallie wailed.  "Dan's going to kill me if I don't see him before I get back."

"I'm sorry," Di replied dully.  "I just feel so sluggish."

"It's okay Di," Hallie apologised immediately.  "I just feel bad about letting Dan down."

"You really like him, don't you?" Di attempted to tease her.

"We're just friends," Hallie replied firmly and checked her watch again.  "How much further have we got to go?"

"We're almost there," Di told her.  "We're coming round the bend."

The train pulled into the station and Hallie jumped to her feet.

"Have you got your bag?" She asked Di anxiously.

"The train hasn't stopped yet Hallie," Di protested and rose slowly to her feet.

Hallie was waiting at the doors as they opened and she stepped out to see Dan waiting next to his uncle, bag in hand.

"Dan!  I'm so sorry," Hallie cried and ran to his side.  "Did you get my message?"

"Yeah, I did," Dan replied, trying to disguise the disappointment in his voice.  "I've got to catch the next train out."

"Oh..." Hallie's face fell.  "I'm sorry."

"So am I," Dan tried to smile.  "Maybe next weekend?"

"Definitely," Hallie replied and looked over to where Di waited with their bags.  "Have a good week."

"You too," Dan mumbled and he looked to his uncle.

"Make me proud Dan," Regan smiled and patted him on the back.  "Would you like a lift home Hallie?"

"No, it's okay," Hallie replied, tearing her eyes away from Dan.  "I'm getting a lift with Di."

Regan nodded and, with a quick smile at Dan, left the two alone.

"I'm really sorry," Hallie repeated.

"I know," Dan sighed.  "It's just..."

"Final call for New York City," the conductor announced.

Hallie hugged him impulsively and felt huge relief as his arms wrapped around her.

"I've gotta go," Dan said and reluctantly released her.

Hallie stood solemnly watching, as Dan boarded the train and it slowly pulled away.  Di came over and lightly touched her shoulder.

"Are you ready to go?"

Hallie nodded.

"Don't drop me off at the farm," Hallie told the driver when they reached the car.  "I'll walk from the Lynch Manor."

"Are you okay?" Di asked.

"I'm fine," Hallie mumbled.  "I just want to go for a walk.  All that time cooped up in a train, you know?"

Di nodded and sunk back into the seat.  The ride to the Lynch Manor was a quiet one.  Neither girl spoke, both lost in their own thoughts.

"Do you want to come in?" Di asked as they climbed out of the car.

Hallie shook her head.

"Thanks for everything Hallie," Di said earnestly and hugged Hallie tightly.

"I'm glad I could be there for you," Hallie whispered.  "It will get better from here.  I know it will."

"Thanks," Di sniffed and released her.

Hallie turned quickly and disappeared down the trail that led to Crabapple Farm.  As soon as she knew she was out of view, she began to sob.

Her vision blinded by tears, Hallie stumbled and fell.  She sobbed harder and lay on the ground, unable to pull herself up.

The weekend had been a nightmare.  She had been strong for other people for too long, hiding their secrets, holding their hands when all she wanted was for someone to hold her and make her feel better.

And he was on a train heading back to New York, thinking that she didn't care about him.

Release me
Will you release me?

Author's Note - Di's choice is not necessarily one I advocate even though I chose this course of action.  Abortion is a very personal issue and the decision should be a well-informed one.  I understand that some people do not believe in abortion in any circumstances and I fully support your right to believe that.  This story presents just one perspective and it is not necessarily the one I advocate or believe in.

The State of New York requires no parental permission for abortion even under the age of 18.  Thanks to Leigh for her help with researching this.  If you're interested in the legal requirements regarding abortion in your state, visit Love Facts.

The End